The terrible news about writing
Plot twist: it's also the best bit
Writing often feels like a thankless task.
It’s greedy and grasping, it’s jealous of time spent elsewhere. And afterwards, it leaves you feeling drained and exposed and a little bit paranoid. The shitty ex analogies abound.
On writer paranoia - but hey, I’m dealing with this. Notions, remember?
This week, I heard from my agent that the proposal for my WIP, Commonplace, had garnered some publisher interest.
(I know, right?! After the crushing disappointment of a couple of weeks ago! But let’s just hold those horses. No good getting excited when the publishing industry is a bit, well, weird about memoir as a genre. If you want to know more, read this excellent think-piece by
)BUT (I do not like big buts) aforementioned publisher had some queries. Without going into specifics, they liked the overview of the book. However, they felt the chapter outline was a bit of a mismatch with said overview. The chapter summary was, for want of a better explanation, a bit general. A bit vague. It had lost the specificity that made the overview so compelling.
Between that synopsis and the summary, a major thread kind of…disappeared.
Does that make sense? Unfortunately, for me, it did - painfully so. In fact, my reaction was ‘Uh oh’. They’d articulated something that had been wigging me for weeks, maybe longer, but I hadn’t been able to put my finger on.
So this week, I’ve mainly been starting again. Not completely from scratch, but I’ve been actively trying to divorce my brain from what’s gone before so I don’t just end up writing the same thing twice using different synonyms.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, it’s been hard. Not just the writing bit, but psychologically turning away from a shiny, polished thing. MAN, I REALLY LOVE SHINY POLISHED THINGS. There’s been some hand-wringing and chest-beating. But no matter how nicely those sentences flow, my ex-proposal is fundamentally flawed and you can’t unsee that shit.
So here I am back where I started: writing being a thankless task, a terrible hobby.
On Monday, I wrote a Really Ugly Word Salad trying to get to the good stuff. I knew what I wanted to say, I could see it in my head, but would the right stuff come out? Would it feck.
On Tuesday, I sent a slightly-less-ugly-but-still-mildly-embarrassing version to Agent Anna.
On Wednesday, I wasn’t quite in Craig David territory, but I did have an encouraging phone call with Anna who said things like “Less of that stuff!” and “More of this!” and “Keep going!”
On Thursday, it started taking shape again in front of my very eyes. In fact, it looked suspiciously…shiny. Maybe even polished.
I thought of John McGahern’s quip “The extraordinary thing about writing is that you never learn how to do it”.
At the beginning of the week, that felt like the most demoralising soundbite I could ever hear. Today - having created a new shiny, polished thing and sent it off - it feels like magic.
Every time I sit down to write, I begin afresh, afresh, afresh. What a frigging glorious gift it is to be able to start again.
Back soon x
Reading:
All Fours, Miranda July. I am MASSIVELY gripped, although also a bit worried it’ll make me hate my husband. Let’s hope not eh.
Watching:
Oprah’s Book Club podcast with Claire Keegan. Oprah’s explanation (and conflation) of the Magdalene Laundries and Mother and Baby Homes for a non-Irish audience is a little bit *gritted teeth emoji*, but Claire is one of the best storytellers alive. Facts is facts. I love her nuggets of Chekhovian wisdom almost as much as I love watching the slightly awkward culture clash between these two women.
“Come on Claire, let’s see an American-style, mega-watt smile!”
Listening to:
My Spotify Wrapped has been particularly unhinged this year - how about yours?
I’m Laura McDonagh and I’m a second-generation Irish writer from the north-east of England.
I love writing about writing (go figure), cultural identity, grief, being Irish in Britain, the 90s (💖) and more.
Subscribe to my Substack ‘Guess what? Me’ and I will love you forever IDEMT.xxx
I got some feedback recently that made me stomp around for 48 hours, but, ultimately, I knew it was right. Did the same as you - wrote a new shiny thing - and now I'm like 'LOOK AT WHAT I HAVE CREATED!' ;) Writing is *wild*!
Oh god the pain of starting again 😭 BUT the joy when you know you've built something*even* better at the end. All Fours is a trip - interested to hear how you find it!